They Said

"I want my son to have more accomplishments than me", you said.

I want to get a little emotional here, for I can't keep these thoughts to myself.

And yet you're letting me down at all times. Every little accomplishments I've done, every step I took to greatness and success. You didn't notice it. You've never been proud. All you care about is major and noticeable success. I'm trying my best but you're pushing me harder, though I can't anymore because I'm tired from all the hard work I've done in a certain period of time. Yes father, yes mother, I'm pressured. I'm stressed out. I'm afraid.

A circus lion can sit on a stool built for humans in fear of a whip, and people can say these lions were "well trained", not "well educated". Same goes for most students/teenagers. Studying harder, working harder, though they can't anymore, for the sake of grades, for the sake of their own worth. But people still call us "well educated", still they didn't know what we went into, just for these numbers on a paper.

All these words, all these phrases, all the things you call me whenever I fail; I remembered all of them. I have failed as a student alright, I've failed as a son. I'm a failure. See? I can even say those words with ease for I can hear it every time I fail. For you may not know, every word you say, every day that passes, my heart is crumbling. I'm losing my faith for myself. I'm not feeling my worth anymore. I'm dying inside. I have no self-esteem anymore. I'm worthless.

As if I have never tried, as if I have not proven myself, as if I have never... been a son of yours. Each of us, one by one, becoming a robot. No emotions,  no feelings, no mood, nothing. We are forced to do what the older people want.

In school, I'm just a common schoolboy. 8th grade, second section. Not among the best. But I'm doing fine. The thing is, for them, it's not enough. If they were to be placed in the same situation as I am right now, would they say the same thing? Here's another thing: I love extracurricular activities. It's the only way I could catch up with my grades. They said, it's the thing that brings my grades down. No it doesn't you do. You bring me down. You bring my grades down. This isn't for me.

This led to more emotional stress and there it goes -- depression. Everybody hates it. You know what depression is right? A stage where you are full of regrets, sadness, hopelessness, emptiness, etc. It is where YOU FEEL WORTHLESS. Where feel no pain, because you are living in it.

And then older people jump into conclusions: Our generation sucks. We feel so emotional about useless things.

I'm just justifying ourselves, I don't mean anything offensive. But, YOU made us like this. We're helpless. YOU destroyed our generation yourselves. Live by our ways. Not yours. It's our time now. So please. Please. Set us free. Let us feel. Let us live.

"I want my son to have more accomplishments than me", THEY SAID.

-xtrmt